I grew up in a very strict home. A home of violence, no love, and no father. I was sexually abused not once but twice by 2 different family members. This situation caused me to develop a very low self esteem. I self harmed myself and attempted to commit suicide more than 4 times. I had my first child at the age of 17. Trying to reach out for the love I never had. This changed my life forever. I knew I had to live for them. I now had someone to love me back. I went through so much in my life and decided to become a writer. I’ve written several plays and I am a motivational speaker for teen parents.
Archive for category love
Motherhood
Feb 23
For the Better
Jan 28
At the age of 11 I had gotten involved in kart racing with my family. In this, I met a girl that was a sister of a fellow racer. She seemed to like me, and I really wanted to ask her out when I worked up the courage. At the age of 13 I had a crash on the track that almost took my life completely. I had lost most of my mouth and was in ICU, and I took months to recover to be able to be normal again. The hardest part was looking in the mirror for the first time and having a somewhat different face. I had become extremely self conscious after plastic surgery, and didn’t want the girl I liked to ever see me. I spoke with her on the phone, and turned her down shamefully months after the accident.
Returning to the same school I had known ended in disaster, when the school found out about the missing pieces in my mouth, I was laughed at by some classmates and couldn’t stand girls to look at me. I left the school for a new one, and in my new school I fell into blind love with a girl that I liked the first time I saw her. I ended up taking her to the homecoming dinner and party. At the party she had left me to be with another guy.
After the end of that school year, I left and went on to do home schooling. At the age of 16 I started working and neglected my studies till I stopped doing them all together. Working full time and now surrounded by people from all different walks of life. I ended up in a life of drugs and alcohol which I had never known. I was happy and living carefree without regard for anyone else but myself. I had constantly tried for girls I met at parties, but always got made fun of and harassed.
I had come to a realization one day, that I was no longer who I wanted to be and quickly became reclusive and stopped hanging out with anybody, and challenged myself to learn computers by working for a company that taught me everything they knew, which after learning all I could, it landed me a job that I currently have through a slight chance of a person I met one day. I became increasingly lonely, and was seeking love online. I ended up flying a girl out I had met online. When she arrived she was not the girl I had seen in the pictures, and ended up with a 1 week nightmare that left me saying I never want a girl friend. Shortly after however, the girl of my dreams found me, and came into my life. Who I had become was exactly who she wanted. We quickly fell in love, and if one event had been different in my life, I would not be where I am today.
A New beginning
Jan 20
I went through a divorce and made a great living, but got divorced and left with nothing. I took her debt and mine to save her from bad credit. I had to file bankruptcy….but then I started over. Not even a year after filing, I bought a home again. I fought for custody of my son and won. I met new friends, that brought me into great situations. One was a received a whole house of furniture and misc, all for fifty dollars…Life just gets better all the time.
Finding Love
Jan 19
I’ve always prayed for a type of guy to meet, every night before I go to bed, I’d ask. “Please let me find the right one and take me away from Miami.”
One day me and my mother got into a huge fight, and kicked me out.. A few days later I met the guy I’ve always wanted to me.. A month later we moved a way to Maine, and so much crazy things happened to us.
Boy meets Girl
Jan 15
I came across an internship my freshman year of college, it involved straight commission sales and marketing, very exciting. The following three years I took my gamble and learned a lot. Sometimes, it seems people are better off doing the safest bets, but I have an entrepreneurial spirit. It seems that although my third summer proved to be as unsuccessful as my second, I discovered something within myself- an ability to focus so intensely on a future event, that it ultimately ends up happening just as I predicted. I decided to practice this new found energy on what better task than picking up girls. Fortunately for me, the one-nighter ended up inviting me to future get togethers, where I met her. A mutual friend, someone I consider near and dear to me, and am still with, pseudo-dating.
How I Met Cliff
Jan 14
I always wanted to sing. I had another singing teacher, She was this weird, horse like looking woman with a very wide jaw. She made me look in the mirror as I sang my songs. Of course, I hated looking in the mirror. I have always hated looking in the mirror. It was like torture for me. I practiced breathing. She was very strange and I don’t think she liked me very much.
So I went back to my lesson and had my last lesson with the teacher. She told me flat out that I couldn’t sing, and should not bother to pursue it ever. She said: I would never be a singer. I was only twelve years old! My heart froze. I was in shock. I left her apartment and rode the subway back home in torrents of tears. Buckets and buckets of tears came down. I went to my friend Anetta’s house and her mother thought I had been raped or something. It was a bad day for me.
Years later, I started working on my own recordings, going to this cheap rehearsal studio I found down in Miami called Sing A Song studios. It was this place in the California Club strip mall that had all these Karaoke tapes. You took the tapes, went into a padded sound booth, and practiced singing to the songs. All my old favorites like Abba’s “Fernando” and Gloria Gaynor’s “I will Survive”. Then I sang Crystal Gayle’s “Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue” and so many more. I loved singing in there because no one could hear me and I could make my own recordings and they were bad, oh yes, but I had full instrumental backup.
Then I met Cliff on the internet. I told him I wanted to go to a club and sing Karaoke. He said, no way, if you are going to sing, you have to be the artist and sing live to a live instrument. This was something totally new to me, who had always been backed up by tapes.
I said, okay, and we started. We started at the very bottom. And I mean, the VERY bottom of the barrel. I couldn’t sing a note live and Cliff played guitar. We started going to real dives like LT’S in West Palm Beach and to every open mike night we could go to. My knees would shake and I was barely able to get through the song without practically bursting into tears. They all had their own opinions as to how I should sing a particular song and what I could do to improve, I was that bad. Complete strangers would come up to me after I finished a song and say, “That was great, but you have to sing it with a little more feeling”. Complete strangers. Cliff resented each one that came up to me and made a comment. But I didn’t mind.
My fairytale story begins with a sad start, as I was going through a divorce from my husband of 8 years. After he moved out (declaring his love for someone else), I decided that I wouldn’t sit home and mope. So, I put on my cowboy boots, and headed to a cowboy bar in Albuquerque, to have some fun dancing (as I hadn’t done much of that since I was in college). I was there early, so it wasn’t crowded on the dance floor. I met a poker player named Bob, and he was a great dancer. Later on, I danced with a few other guys as well. A couple of hours passed, and a tall man (also named Bob) casually strutted up to me, asking me to dance. We clicked, and had a great time that night. He gave me his card, saying he was in town on business occasionally, and would I like to meet him again. I said yes, and a month later, he called to take me out again. A great start to our relationship! As we got closer, I learned that appearances can be deceiving, as he turned out to be 32 years my senior!! That didn’t slow us down too much, though he did try to end our relationship three different times during our courtship, as he thought I needed a younger guy to have babies with! Eventually, he decided that I was truly happy with him. When he retired from his business in Las Cruces, and he found a new place in Cedaredge, Colorado that he liked (as he is an avid snowmobiler). I then made the decision to leave my family behind in NM, and follow my dream man to Colorado. We were married in 2001, a month after moving to our new home. Here, my lifelong dream of breeding, raising and training horses came true. We built a home and nice horse setup, from the ground up. Then, we went on a whirlwind search throughout Colorado to find our dream horses, a gaited breed called the “Rocky Mountain Horse”. The preferred color of these horses is a beautiful chocolate brown with a flaxen mane and tail. We ended up finding twelve horses to begin our herd that year.
I’ve been in bliss with Bob every since, though now I work harder (physically) than I ever had in my entire life. It’s worth it though, every time I look out and see our beautiful horses in the field. Bob is still working hard at 72, and we’re in the process of building our dream horse farm, complete with indoor riding arena, just a few miles down the road!. What a life I have with such a caring man. Bob and I work together as a team in everything we do, and our hard work has allowed us to create a beautiful life together. What a blast! My dream from high school has come true!
